And so the cycle cont...

Last night I made a cream cheese dip and had some chocolate covered caramel peanut clusters. That's like a million calories. And now I feel so stupid. I hate this. I am ruining everything as usual. I do all this work exercising and eating right all day long then at night I pig out!I'm like a chubby werewolf. When the moon comes out I eat up all the junkfood in sight.

I am starting to feel like this is a real addiction. I mean I had always thought of my binging as "like" an addiction. But I realy think this is a problem. I think I need some professional help. I mean I just don't know what to do about this. I try to safeguard myself with a plan and alternative options to junk at night but it only works about 30% of the time. I mean I know about addiction. I was a closet smoker for 10 years and i quit that. My hubby is an alcaholic and I've seen hime struggle with that for years. The anxiety and iritation, the mindeless wanting. Too often we say "I want something". And cannot figure out what that something is and nothing seems to satisfy.

I don't want to live like this any more. I have broken this cycle before but I can't remember what the key was. What did I do differently? What am I missing. Why can't I get this? This rollercoaster of success and failure is becomming so depressing. Logicaly I know I can do this but I am not doing it. I keep getting lost somehow.

Well. Today is yet another day and another attempt at success. So here it goes...