OMG the stress!

I am soo stressed out lately. Not that stress is something new for me. I am dealing with it without scarfing down junk. For instance last night I came home from work to the neighbor's yard full of cars and a huge party going on. These ppl are degenerates and low lifes and we have had nothing but trouble from them. The police are there constantly, our home was broken into last summer by one of their friends that was staying with them, fights, drinking and driving, so on and so on. Anyway, so when they have big parties it makes me very nervous. I was beside myself wanting a junkie treat. I complained and pouted. But I didn't get something. Hubby talked me down and eventualy I fell asleep. So there is a win for me I guess.

I have a problem with cleaning. I am a neat freak. Like full out ocd about it (exagerating but still). Mess makes me panic. I have been working alot this week and hubb is the opposit of me. He basicaly cleans...nothing. He's kind of useless in that department. So as the clutter and mess grows so does my anxiety about it. For the life of me I don't know how to get over this.

My youngest son is giving me emense termoil. The temper tantrums and the defiance and the mischeif. Always into something, always yelling, always doing the opposit of what I say. Does not listen in any way. My other kids are not like this. If he isn't home the other 3 kids...well it seems like there are no kids here. I love hime and he can be the sweetest and the cutest and...I just don't know how to handle him. I feel like I went so wrong somewhere and I don't know how to help him. Everything is a fight or screaming match. It starts the moment he wakes up untill he is sleeping. It's very overwhelming.

Anywho. Off to try to get some workout in before the day goes all to hell.

Thanks for the Cheesey Potatoes....and the the Bacon Burger.

As per usual I had Sunday supper at my mom's yesterday. We had steak and these rediculously unhealthy cheesey potatoes. Then that night me and hubby order bacon cheese burgers from our fav resturant. So it is no surprise that the scale has not been moving an smidge.

I need to focus on my food and get this done. Like ASAP. I need to get out of the 200's by summertime. I can do this. I have to focus. That is so hard. I always feel so confused and off track with everything.

I have been major stressed out lately. Life seems so chaotic and I don't know how to focus on anything.I have all these ideas of how to make things better. Like eating, I know what to eat and how much. But it never works out that way. Same with everything form my kids to my job. I am spread too thin over my life. I am scared that I am not the only one suffering from it either.

Today has possibility though. Today could be a better day. Or not...

Oatmeal & P90X

After a full week of eating slips here and there My TOM is over and I feel amazing again. Yesterday was spot on. I have been trying to do P90X with my husband at least every other day. I realy want this and I want to be in good shape not just smaller. I want to be ripped lol. That thought kind of makes me laugh. I was thin in highschool but not muscley at all. It'[s hard to think of.

For like the last year I have had oatmeal with apples for breakfast. The instant kind. But I tried the stove top stuff this morning. The regular kind. BARF! It's like eating wet cardboard. Back to the instant stuff for me I guess.

I have to go get a new scale this week. I was down another 2 lbs on my mom's scale but I don't trust it. I was thinking about weighing myself on the industrial scale at the shop. It's pretty acurate. I'd have to keep doing that tho. And I don't know how crazy I am about the guys at the shop seeing how much I actualy weigh.

I have always been told I cary my weight well. I've even been told not to loose too much more. PPl never believe me that I was almost 300lbs and that I n0w weigh like 220lbs. but maybe that is what ppl are supposed to say.