Same S#it Different Day

So I realised this morning that I did this exact same thing last year. Jan rolled around and it was all "MAKIN SOME CHANGE ROUND HERE:" I had a goal for July. Then the next thing I knew it was Mid February and I hadn't budged my weight yet. Well It is creepin near Mid February and I am only down like 8 lbs. I don't want to get to July and change my goal to Christmas. I mean last year I did get to 50lbs lost but that wasn't my goal. And I had planned on losing 50 more lbs by July1st.

The Class of 2000 reunion is July 1st weekend and I had realy wanted to lose some serious weight before. I haven't seen some of these people in 10 years. MORE than 10 years because I didn't graduate with them. They were nice enough to invite me anyway. We were all pretty close, it was a small school and we grew up together with the whole "class of 2000" thing over our heads from grade primary. They decided to make a big shindig out of the whole weekend and invite everyone who went to school with us through the years. It should be fun. BUT...I don't want to spen my time thinking how fat I look. And how I am the fattest person there. Which I likely would be if I don't lose some serious weight.

My weight has kept me from alot of things. Most people wouldn't think that about me but it is the reason for me not wanting to do alot of things. I don't like to go out of the house. I pray that no one that I know sees me when I go shopping. I hate when anyone I know comes in to one of my jobs. I'm just so sick of it. I shouldn't care but I do. I just do.

It is one of the 2 reasons I don't sleep with my husband enough. The other one is because he needs to help out around the house more lol. But you get the point. The point is that it needs to change. All of it. I just feel so stuck. I feel overwhelmed by life. And I feel like I am taking on the responsabilities of an entier family alone. So ME and my weight become low priority.

More Me time. More important ME. Me, Me,Me, me...