Rollercoaster

So I start out so strong and then crash and burn like a derailed rollercoaster. Today is another start to what could potentialy be my weightloss journey. Or it could just be one good day in the line of crappy ones. Hoping for the former.

There has been so much drama and chaos here the last few weeks. The kids have been very sick. Which makes me panic because the already missed too much school this year and they all seem to be having some trouble. Then there is my once failing, now slightly successful mariage. Things are better and so much more so then they have been in a long time but the scars of the past make it difficult to appretiate. But I try.

I am a worrier and right now I feel like I am in constant panic mode. So it makes staying on plan painful. I try but always fail miserably. But today I am starting off good. So there is that I guess.

Off topic a moment. I was 17 when I had my daughter. Nnd then each child there after was 2 years apart. So I had them young and all at once it seemed. I was ill equipted at best and made so many mistakes. I realy had no idea what i was doing, with my children or my marriage. We made sooo many mistakes as young and stupid parents. Now 11 years later we are starting to get to a place where we get it and are ready for it but there is such a mess. Or family is disfunctional. The kids are still you that I don't think it is too late to fix this I just don't know what to do. I mean I always tryed my best with all of them with the skills and knowledge I had at the time. But now i feel I don't have the information and noone seems to know what I should do to help us.

We are starting counciling. Or at least I am and so is one of my children. But I want to know what i can do to fix this. How do I undo the damage? I feel so helpless. Maybe not such a great way to start the day.